Matching to my dream residency program as a IMG & A dedication to my Papa
Distractions
TLDR from last blog: I had my last interview in January. February, I attended socials and second looks. The rank program (R3) opened on February 1st. I submitted and certified my rank on February 1st. Then….radio silence.
I took February off from rotations to travel. My husband is Cambodian so we went with my father-in-law to Cambodia for 2 weeks. I thought wow this is great timing to distract myself. Well, not even my desperate dreaming of modern toilets could save me from the anxiety. I got back and there was a whole week to get through. I started a new rotation. That has to fill up the time right? I couldn’t stop thinking. Is this the hospital I’ll be spending 3 years at? Will this be my last rotation here? Is that okay?
I tried to distract myself by taking up running. It was consuming because I was terrible at it. I trained to run a 5K. I picked the Hot Chocolate Run! One, it was the day before match day, but most importantly it was chocolate-themed. I mean you get hot chocolate and marshmallows as a reward for finishing. I live to eat, this makes sense.
No matter what I tried to do. The jitters turned from bubbly butterflies to little endless rumination parties.
Twas the Sunday before Match Day. I woke up at 5 AM. Was I even sleeping? Not really, but I progressed my Candy Crush pretty far! I started my 5K in downtown San Diego at 7 AM. It was beautiful to run as the sun woke up downtown. It was golden hour. That was my only peaceful 36 minutes of the day. I fist-bumped to my EDM bangerz playlist in peace.
After the race, we took the boys to an amazing dog park called Fiesta Island. An actual island or peninsula? The doggos roamed free. They’re really well-behaved off-leash compared to on-leash. The boys loved saying hi to all the other dogs and watching the waves on the beach. We try to come here once a year.
Then we went home. To sit with my thoughts. It was agonizing.
Starting Match Week
Monday at 10 AM EST or 7 AM my time, I sat in front of my laptop anxiously waiting for the email like every fourth-year medical student across the nation. I was awake since 4 AM and rolling around in bed the rest of the night. Since I was up, I was doing all the coping skills: meditation, yoga, and journaling. That took up maybe half an hour. I did my make-up for no reason in the dim light of my closet so I didn’t wake anyone up. Then like a little mouse I ran downstairs to either cry in misery or cry in joy(?) at 6:58 AM. 7 AM, no email. 7:01 AM, no email. My husband comes downstairs. “It’s 7:00 AM”. I know. I know. 7:02 AM, no email.
7:03AM bing. Title reads 2024 Main Residency Match Results. I turned off all preview reads on my emails and phone so I could pace myself. This is it. I opened it. I read it over and over again. I matched. I had no reaction. No thoughts. I was more concerned about my reaction. I told my husband and he told me I didn’t seem happy. Looking back, I was so emotionally drained. It hit me randomly later in the day. Around 3 PM, I was cycling using the peloton app. One of the coaches, Robyn, said, “What if it was better than you imagined?” That was it. I started bawling.
Match Day!
Luckily in my rotation we got Fridays off. I think I still would’ve taken Monday and Friday off since SGU excuses us. The anxiety was renewed over the week. Even though I knew I had a job, all I could think about was where was my future?
Friday, I put on the SGU match T-shirt. At noon, I called my mom, sister, and best friend. I wanted to open the email together. I’m so glad we did because I couldn’t believe my eyes. I got my first choice! I wasn’t expecting it. It’s a very small program with a very small history of IMG/SGU residents. We did it guys! I’m going to be a family physician and I’m so happy!
A dedication to my Papa
The night of Match Day my grandma called me from the Phillipines. My grandpa, Papa, was passing away.
Papa didn’t share much about his life. Actually, he refused. We once had a school project to interview a veteran. I was so excited because I knew a veteran! My Papa. I remember going up to him in his computer room. I sat on the couch behind his computer. A little nervous. Gingerly I asked “Papa, can I interview about you being in the military? It’s for school.” I thought the school part might sway him. “No.” Full stop. That was it.
I knew his life was hard. He lost his parents early in life. He signed up for the U.S. military to earn a better life. He did share one thing with me. After I told him I wanted to go to medical school, he showed me his pristine medical school textbooks. He told me he went to medical school. These books were carried over an ocean decades ago. He told me he had to stop going to school because he didn’t have enough money to survive. He told me his father went to medical school but had to stop because of war. Ironically opposed to the typical Filipino stereotypes, there aren’t any healthcare workers in my family. They actually all avoid doctors like doctors give them diseases. So I felt really bonded to Papa because we shared this dream.
I will never know the truth, but I choose to believe my Papa was looking out for me. He was fighting pneumonia for 2 weeks in the hospital. In those 2 weeks, my family started to get “unstuck” in their lives - approvals for permanent residencies, moving to dream cities, etc. I believe Papa hustled the fates or God or whatever power there is for us, for me. Once he knew, we were all okay, he felt he could rest. Papa was the person I was most excited to call. I want so badly to hear him say “Good job kiddoo (he spelled it like this). Now get back to work." I have to believe that of course he knew. So thank you Papa. We did it.
Warmly, Rainee
We did it guys! Now to finish out medical school (: